New Eyes

So, on the back of my surprisingly popular rant about hipsters, I’m asking you, whoever you readers are, to put a face to the name Janelle, and take a look at some spoken word poetry I’ve created.

I entered a competition on indi.com, and the video at the end of the week with the most votes wins. Click on this link to watch the video.

Now, winning would be cool. But I more just want people to hear this poem. So I’ve actually written out the words below. Read, watch, vote, share! Do whatever you want, really 🙂

This is my take on the skewed view of beauty we seem to have these days. And I tried to write it as personally as possible, knowing that I struggle with judging others and myself by warped standards more than anyone else. I feel like I need a new pair of eyes. Anyway, read on.

New Eyes
Sometimes I’m insecure
I spend hours of my day and days of my week
Convincing myself that I’m fine, I’m not that weak
But I am

I know that I am beautiful, the Bible tells me so
I walk like I bear the image of God or so the saying goes
But sometimes I trip, or I miss a step
And I fall flat on my face
Maybe I’m not graceful enough to deserve real love
I’m not graceful enough for grace
And sure, there are standards I try to ignore
Of what I ought to see in the mirror
I write poems like a girl with perfect self-worth
But sometimes I don’t think I believe her

And compliments won’t take away the pain,
Because I’ve got ugly running through my veins
You tell me I look marvellous,
So I compare myself to the girl sitting next to us
And I come to the conclusion via a simple equation
That if X has longer legs and bigger eyes and slimmer thighs,
Then X must be greater than Y

But if X is greater than Y,
Then a few months down the road as you walk down the road
Having a Y kind of day because your guy left you behind
And you think you know why
Because you see your Ex, with even longer legs and bigger eyes and slimmer thighs
And you name her W
Double you
Because she’s twice the woman you’ll ever be

I don’t even know what beautiful looks like
I’m so wrapped up in me, so wrapped in jealousy
I can’t even see the light any more
I’m like a rat in a sewer, like a creature of filth
Gathering, pilfering, scouring the grime
Searching, sniffing, biding my time
Only emerging to find a piece of beauty,
Drag it into the confines of my insecurity
And turn it into something disgusting

My sin-tainted glasses and my brainwashed mind
Have corrupted what it is I find beautiful
And it’s a plague sweeping the nations
Creating lust and infatuation
For shining, sparkling appearances
And if you don’t meet my sick expectations,
You’ve missed the mark

And we’re children of God marking others
Based on the marks on their skin or the fat on their chin
Paying no regard to sin unless it’s affecting how they look

We fill our heads with standards that weren’t put there by God
We think beauty looks like Beyoncé
Beauty looks like Jesus

And as if that weren’t upside-down enough
The crazier thing is that Jesus is in love with me
Regardless of how ugly I feel
And I think that’s confusing
Because I’m used to abusing myself
And falling in and out of affection
Based on my reflection

But Jesus is in love with me
For better or for worse
In beauty or in dirt
In poverty or shame
He lets me bear His name

His ways are not our ways

God, I don’t see as you see
I don’t love as you love
I didn’t get to see the beauty of the world you started from
God, teach me what’s still good about the world I see today
Show me what is beautiful in everything You make
Overwhelm me
Make me over
I’m ready for a new pair of eyes

 

* Addition! *

I came 5th place in the competition! Very cool. I’ll be looking for new opportunities to do slam poetry stuff in the future, and I’ll keep you posted. Thanks for everyone who read, watched, and voted!